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          此谈判，非彼谈判
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        <p>2020 年，神奇的一年，在年初疫情爆发，居家办公的一段时间里，我有幸读了樊登老师推荐的书《沃顿商学院——谈判课》(下文简称 《谈判课》)，如获至宝，在一年的实践当中，周围的世界都发生了变化</p>
<p>今天，我来分享一下，对这本书的一些感悟</p>
<a id="more"></a>
<h2 id="神奇的机场">神奇的机场</h2>
<p>如果不是读了书，怎么也不会相信这个故事：</p>
<blockquote>
<p>有一对情侣，由于中转航班延误，导致赶到下班飞机，登机口时，已经停止登机了，飞机已经进入起飞状态，引擎轰鸣着</p>
<p>面对即将泡汤的精心策划的旅行，几乎除了无奈别无选择了</p>
<p>这时，陈瑞燕，做了一件事情，她将行李箱丢在地上，手扶着登机口旁边的玻璃上，全神贯注地注视着飞机上，忙碌地做飞行前检查的机长们</p>
<p>这时有一位机长抬起头，看到了在登机口玻璃后的他们</p>
<p>看了他们一会儿，他转头好像和另一位机长说了些什么，另外机长也抬起头看着他们</p>
<p>过一会儿，登机口的电话响了，工作人员走了过来，说：请马上登机……</p>
</blockquote>
<p>当我第一次听樊登老师讲的时候，感觉不可能</p>
<p>为了解决困惑，立即买了书，读了之后，才发现，我对这里说的谈判知之甚少，更厉害的是我们每个人都能做到这样的神奇效果</p>
<p>故事里，几乎没有说几句话，却涵盖了谈判的基本要领</p>
<ul>
<li>第一，要沉着冷静</li>
<li>第二，准备充分</li>
<li>第三，找出决策者</li>
<li>第四，专注自己的目标，而不是计较是非对错</li>
<li>第五，进行人际沟通</li>
<li>第六，承认对方的地位和权力</li>
</ul>
<p>每一点都很重要，仔细思考，就会发现都是我们日常中忽视的地方</p>
<p>比如 “如沉着冷静”，如果是我，自己就爆发， 情绪高涨，面红耳赤，甚至失去理智</p>
<p>比如 “找出决策者”，如果是我，会和登机口工作人员争执不休</p>
<p>再比如 “不计较是非对错”，如果是我，遇到问题，总是找谁对谁错，感觉只要找出对方的错误，对方就会立即认错，并马上弥补</p>
<p>现在想想，这些做法多么的简单和幼稚</p>
<p>《谈判课》就这些方面，逐渐细致的展开，通过娓娓道来的真实故事，将这些关键点串了起来，通俗易懂，特接地气</p>
<h2 id="情绪的巨大影响">情绪的巨大影响</h2>
<p>一直觉得《谈判课》这个书名不太不好，会让人以为是讲述各种说服对方的奇巧淫技的书</p>
<p>实际上《谈判课》的重点在于让我们关注谈判双方的人，以及双方的长远利益</p>
<p>比如关注谈判中双方的情绪问题</p>
<p>对于情绪在谈判中的影响，书中有这样一段描述：</p>
<blockquote>
<p>对成功的谈判和谈判者而言，情绪是其大敌。情绪化的人无法良好地倾听，他们常常难以捉摸，很难专注于自己的目标。</p>
</blockquote>
<p>我之前，情绪问题很严重，总是处于紧张、焦虑和烦躁之中，做事情也总是带着情绪</p>
<p>于是，就无法正常的思考，思维会被限制在和情绪相关的事情上，而无法看清事情的全貌</p>
<p>例如之前，我想换一下工作电脑，向上级申请，因为一些原因无法满足要求，我就陷入了气愤和纠结当中</p>
<p>觉得自己没有被重视，觉得上司在为难自己，在工作中，恍恍惚惚，没法集中精力</p>
<p>最后不仅没有达到自己的目标，还影响了工作业绩，如果没有及时止损，将进入一个恶性循环，后果更糟</p>
<p>如果对方处于情绪中，情况也是一样的，交流效果时最差的，在严重的时候甚至会偏离有利目标，故意将事情搞砸，鱼死网破</p>
<p>这种情况在孩子身上很常见</p>
<p>当孩子情绪失控哭闹时，无法用道理让他顺从的，强制只会让事情更糟，此时需要先安抚和照顾他的情绪，当情绪稳定了，才能做进一步的沟通</p>
<p><strong>情绪为什么对我们的影响这么大呢？</strong></p>
<p>和我们的大脑构造有关，大脑核心部分是动物大脑，而情绪就是由这里产生的</p>
<p>情绪对原始动物生存是至关重要的，但对高度文明的人类社会来说，情绪的应急反应，不仅不会帮助自己更好的融入社会，反而会造成没必要的麻烦</p>
<h2 id="谈判无处不在">谈判无处不在</h2>
<p>一般理解，认为谈判只要在商业上，正式场合才会有，可能是受到太多影视剧的影响吧</p>
<p>实际上，谈判在我们生活的角角落落，家庭中，工作中，购物时，就餐时，旅行时，等等，无处不在</p>
<p>从这个角度上看，谈判更像是一个人际交往活动，与人沟通的地方就有谈判</p>
<p>这就是《谈判课》这本书与众不同的地方，强调以人为本，关注情感、需求、文化和立场</p>
<p>书中每一章节，都大量的真实的鲜活的案例，让人感受不到学习的压迫感，反而像是和一位朋友聊天，轻松自如，有收获满满</p>
<h2 id="总结">总结</h2>
<p>《谈判课》读完整整一年了，还会时不时回来翻看，这本书对我的影响，不仅仅是学习一个技能，更重要的是改变的我对人际交往的认知</p>
<p>我是从事技术类工作的，与人打交道是天生的弱项，加上自己自卑倾向的性格，从来不敢相信能突破人际交往的障碍</p>
<p>当了解到每个人都有自己的情绪、需求、观念、有待解决的事情，让我能平静的看待和我接触的人，会倾听他们的需求，体会他们的情绪，有自己所能，解决他们的问题</p>
<p>渐渐地这种障碍不见了，没有之前的阻碍，痛苦与纠结了，成了自然洒脱随性了</p>
<p>预告：下期我们聊聊情绪问题，如何走出自己的情绪阴影</p>
<p>比心</p>
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